I'd listen...

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I wanna save the world so bad,I wanna see it shine with happiness,I don't want war,I don't want death,I don't want evil,I don't want anyone to live in fear,I see my perfect world before me....then I wake up........

-My inner soul

Hey, I'm always here for you! And I sure do give a damn about your situation. Beleive me, you do mean something, not just to me but to lots of other people too. I don't want you, or any of my other close friends for that matter, to think that nobody's going to listen to them. 'Cuz I will! I really do care about you, and if you need someone to talk to my inbox is open.

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This signature is a test. If this signature were to actually occur, it would be much more sarcastic and senseless. Thank you for your patience and cooperation.

Thanks so much, I know you care, it's just gettin it through to my logical side which is hard! It means so much to me to know that you're here for me! You've made me feel so much better, I honestly can't express how grateful I am to you! *hugs*

Hehe, no problem. *hugs back*

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This signature is a test. If this signature were to actually occur, it would be much more sarcastic and senseless. Thank you for your patience and cooperation.

Hey, here’s a song that I love and reminds me of you at the moment: [link]

I’m not gonna pretend that I know what your going though and can help you reach the light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully you’ll remember that there IS a light out there, how you get to it, I sadly have no idea.

I just hope it’s much easier to find now that you remember that an end to this war is out there. When you know that in the end you will either win or lose. But whatever the outcome, the war will be over. I feel that right now your perception of the future is burred and this makes it near impossible to see that light. You start to think that there’s no such thing as, winning and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome? Gradually any hope you previously had gets torn from you and without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight.

At the moment I’m guessing that you’re feeling, sad, empty, miserable and everywhere you look all you find is pain and nothingness at once.

"You might wake at 4, 5, maybe 6am, feeling as though you had only just fallen asleep. If you didn’t have to be somewhere, you could lie in bed for another 3 hours...too tired, too miserable and pathetic to crawl out of your bed.

Or maybe you will sleep until 1pm, because it’s so much easier to sleep through most of the day than actually live it, and you’re so unbelievably tired anyway. You will push through the day, knowing that every hour will be a struggle and not knowing how you will feel tomorrow.

People will ask what is wrong, and you will simply smile and say 'nothing, I'm just tired.' Yes you are tired. You are so tired of drifting through every day, with no will to actually live. But you simply smile, and they'll believe you. It’s so much easier to lie anyway, and most of the time you can push away the guilt.

Sometimes you might find a way out, temporary as it may be. You might write or draw or sing. Or you might cut, burn, binge, purge, drink, starve, scratch, pull, overdose...anything to take your mind away from the utter misery it seems to be so obsessed with.

You will still spend your night alone, sitting and staring at nothing, completing mindless tasks as if they have some importance, as if you are really there.
Be careful where you let your mind wander. Night time is the darkest time in depression. That's when all the demons come out, when you become weaker. No one will understand because they will have destroyed any self esteem you might have had, so you'll be too scared to ask for the help you need. You just go on, hoping someone will notice your . Don’t worry, it won’t always be so bad. Some days you might even feel stable. You might walk tall for one day, feeling a glint of hope that maybe one day things will get better, that things are getting better and you have the strength to fight. Then one small thing will go wrong, and you’ll fall apart all over again. You feel stupid for even considering that things could get better.

Have you ever felt as though your whole body could just crumble any minute? Just crumble and fall apart, like it’s lost anything it had holding it together. That raw fragility. It feels as though the smallest disruption in our life, or in your head, or in the world, could send everything spiralling downwards. And it can. The tiniest mistake can cause you to hate yourself more than you could possibly imagine. The smallest crack in your world can make it all seem pointless.

Any resources you once had have been seemingly destroyed. Any strength or courage you kept stored away for emergencies. So if the tiniest little storm hits, you are left to trying to survive the ravages of a cyclone without a life boat. It wears you down and even the smallest crack can seem like an earthquake and every minute is spent waiting for the next shake. And then one day, you will find yourself curled up on your bedroom floor, sobbing, because you can’t find anything to wear. Every little thing is just somehow more proof of how worthless you are.

Eventually, you begin to expect it. You anticipate the bad times, because you know the good times are just fooling you. And they are filled with fear and anxiety over when everything will come crashing down again. You are always waiting for the next breakdown. You’ve become so accustomed to feeling miserable, that happiness is a foreign feeling that you won’t even let yourself experience. You don’t deserve it. So you become numb, which at times, is worse than the full-blown screaming and crying episodes. You find yourself begging to hurt again, because any feeling is better than feeling nothing at all."

^ I never wrote the above in speech marks, but I hopefully the words might understand what you're going through and be able to relate better than I ever could. But I just want you to remember that you are a creative, humorous, confident and determined genius no matter what anyone tells you - I know that's gonna be hard as it's always frustratingly easier to remember and believe the insults than the compliments.

God is always here for you

And so am i <3

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Join here if you're a Northern Irish artist [link]